In life, we are usually placed in a situations where we should placed to situations where we should undergo metamorphosis. We are to face transitions if we are to live at all. Nobody improves while remaining stagnant.

As my head hits the solace of the pillow, I realized that there are lots to care about in life. For example, the decision to go into nursing means that no matter what kind of bad things I have to deal with each day, someone’s life will be directly impacted by my interventions. It is simply one should care. I need to take care my patients as if they are my chosen families.

I go to nursing with the anticipation to be a registered nurse. For I see my love ones haunting my mind. My father labored the whole day for our mouths. My mother still cooked a dried fish despite a restriction on the monster of her thyroid. My brother is a picture of a life, a college education despised. We’re running short of cash. It’s hard not to fret all the time. So I care about it. I care with passion, the reason why I become slave of it. It won’t be called care for nothing. In a long run, we must have done something great to deserve such a grand life.

I land up taking nursing because there is a great demand for nurses abroad. Nurses are paid with high remuneration for their work. So in two to five months time, I could have thousands of bucks. I persist to continue studying nursing because I learn to love nursing and everything about it. It’s amazing the things that people will let you do to them when you’re in uniform. When you walk into someone’s room with a thermometer, sphygmomanometer and a stethoscope, they tend to trust you to disturb and touch them. All this is done with complete trust on what you are doing. This is not just about patients but also my father, mother, uncle, auntie, brother, grandmother… They trust and support me along the way. So it’s a right thing that I will [should] do all my best. At least, there’s a fact that gives a damn over support, trust and money’s worth. I want to become a nurse not because it can give me a good life but because I promise to give people and my family a good life they truly deserve… A dream I want to fulfill.

But! What if I fail?

In a way I feel like I haven’t learned enough to be a good nurse someday. Sure, I’ve learned important skills but it’s not enough. If I have to rate myself from one to ten, I’ll give myself -3- blag!-lower… I found myself at the bottom of the ladder. Moreover, I persist to be a nurse. I knew if I will not take the opportunity, lack the guts, the will and the attitude to overcome and conquer, definitely, I’ll keep on wrestling with the “what if,” or “I should have..,” or “I guess this is my destiny to suffer, to settle for what is least” syndrome. I stand firm in my belief that we should fail a failure. We are blessedly endowed with GOD (Gift of Decision). By the way, I still have faith, courage and determination.

It’s in Jerimiah 29:11. The Lord said, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” “I will never leave nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say, “The Lord is our helper, I will not fear.” Hebrews 13:5-6. See? Isn’t that enough to inspire?

I should not fail myself, my family. Step forward. For this is a struggle.. of fighting with or without.